Integrating the Madonna/Whore

In Western culture, this is a split in the feminine sexuality; for sex in general really. We are bombarded with sex all day on billboards, commercials, music videos, sitcoms, yet we cannot express our sexuality in our everyday lives. This double standard is very prevalent for women; especially mothers, and their libido pays the price.

The Madonna/ Whore Complex (aka Virgin/ Whore Complex), coined by Sigmund Freud, is a pattern of thought that divides female- humanity into two mutually exclusive categories. The virtuous Madonna (Virgin Mary) figure, possessing and protecting social virtue is an object of worship and everything that all females SHOULD aspire to be, and sex does not fit into this picture. This works with the mother imagine because the Madonna is the mother of Jesus Christ, he was born of a virgin, in the Christian mythos. Anyone who fails to obtain this lofty expectation is a Whore driven exclusively by sexual desire and lacking in morality and humanity. By this black and white logic any woman who is not married and has an active sex life is a Whore. Even if a woman is married and has an imaginative or “out of the box” sex life is labeled “a Whore.”

Typically, this complex shows up in men who do not want to have sex with their wife because she is the mother of his children. He does not want the mouth that has been sucking on his cock to kiss his children goodnight, as was explained by Tony Soprano in the famous HBO series, “The Sopranos.” This can also show up in women as well. She has now had children and must be seen as a wholesome being for her children. This is damaging not only to her, but to her children. If parents cannot discuss sex and sexuality with their children it can send the message that sex is a “bad” or “dirty thing” instead of a beautiful process of life that needs respect and education. The woman is also losing a connection with the sacred energy in her body.  Sex is a part of life and it is how a vast majority of life is created on Earth.  Staying in touch with sexual energy is staying connected to the Universe.

How does a woman get in touch with her sexual energy? Simple answer is to listen to her body. Any exercise that connects the mind and body together for a task like Yoga, Qi Gong, or Dancing. These exercises start the process. Of course masturbation helps a woman connect to her sexuality and doing kegal exercises. Tantra is a type of Yoga using a set of techniques to deepen intimacy, increase passion and communicate in a more open and authentic way with yourself and others. Within Tantra the root of sacred female energy is the Yoni. Yoni is Sanskrit means womb, uterus, vagina, vulva, or source. Getting in touch with the Yoni is one of the quickest ways to stimulate the sexual self and learn to integrate it with the entire body.

Getting in touch with the sexual self instead of locking it away can open doors for a healthier mental and physical state.  Ignoring the Whore Complex and staying connected offers several health benefits such as proving the immune system, boosting the libido, improving bladder control, lowering blood pressure, counts as exercise, lowers risk for heart attack, lessens pain, reduces risk for cancer, improves sleep, and decreases stress. By integrating the Madonna and Whore a woman can gain insight in mind, body, and soul. Thank you for reading and stay sexy.

If you enjoyed this blog please visit my website www.therapistnicki.com . If you would like more information or to book a session email me at relationship.positive.therapy@gmail.com